PROCRASTINATORS UNITE - COMEDY IS MY GOD.

So, Manhunt 2 hits store shelves today (Theoretically, at least; I saw it at Best Buy yesterday afternoon), and, as is expected from Rockstar titles since GTA3, the "news" media was scrambling over themselves to paint a go tsao de (dog-humping) video game as some dark, satanic tome of evil that sucks the souls of all who look upon it into a vortex of sin and degradation (Why in the hell am I channeling Emo Phillips?), and the guys who had any hand in putting it on the shelves, from the poor kid at the cashier's desk and the UPS guy who dropped it off, up to the guys who run Take Two and Rockstar, as subhumans who are worse than active pedophiles*, Communists, and Osama Bin Laden all rolled into one festering, suppurating boil of an entity. (I'm proud of that image..)

I have but one thing to say to the press: Grow up. You guys are still gonna be around, so you, and everyone else who thinks vidjamagames are the evil force previously described (I'm proud of that image, too, by the way), can go and stick your heads in buckets. The theater said the movies were evil, and now there's at least one cinema in even the smallest of towns. Hollywood said TV turned people into zombies, and now those idiot boxes are in damn near every home in the US, and a lot of the rest of the world, and Hollywood ain't so much as made a peep about it in at least 30 years. Now that its your turn to stare down the barrel of the next evolution of entertainment media and soil your designer pants, you're reacting in much the same way as they did; you're panicking, and trying to delay the inevitable. You are not the "immovable object" you once might have been, "news" media.

I don't even have a TV in my room. I play the PS2 over a magic little box that makes my computer able to interpret the output signal from the PS2, and display it on my screen (if only it were a higher-quality capture device, but it works for me for now.) And if I did have a TV in my room, I'd be playing the PS2 on it, and not watching your stupid, bullshit fear mongering. The only TV programs I'd even consider watching are Mythbusters, NCIS (which I do watch regularly), House ('cause who doesn't like crippled, Vicodin-addicted diagnosticians who hate their patients?), and, if I none of those are available, I'll turn on CNBC. Why? Simple: They don't do spin jobs, they do straight numbers. Gods bless those reckoners of legumes, if only for that. They'll cover disasters, but only to the point of: "The plane crash caused [the involved airline's] stock to plummet to an all-time low." They'll barely even MENTION the body count.

As far as the decisions by the Aussies and their counterparts in Pommieland (AKA Britain) to refuse classification to Manhunt 2 (effectively banning the game there for EVERYONE, even adults), that concept is just plain dumb. I've not played either of the Manhunt games. Don't plan to, either. Does that make me some kind of saint? No. It's me exercising my right as an adult to choose what I expose myself to. And if I have kids someday (assuming the near-fascists don't get their way, and ban all videogames, pong and its clones included), I will be responsible enough to watch them, and monitor their activities on their computers, and limit their access to M-rated games, and R-rated movies (which, by the way, are supposed to be comparable in content). Why? Because I don't believe it's the government's job to tell me how to raise a kid. (Of course, I still have that rather problematic step of finding a woman crazy enough to put up with me for the 20+ years necessary for that sort of thing, that I can at least tolerate without the quote, aid, unquote, of heavy drinking.) You know whose job that is? MY OWN.

Attention, Stupid Parents: Sit up, and take a swig of coffee, 'cause I'm talkin' to you now. If you don't want your kids to play Postal 3 (when it comes out), or Soldier of Fortune: Payback (also forthcoming), then either a) don't buy it, or b), keep it, and the other M-rated games, in a lockbox somewhere, and make sure that the only copies of the key are on your key ring, or around your neck, or something like that. Just keep it out of your kid's hands. If your kid can demonstrate a maturity consistent with the next tier of game ratings, then sure, let them play it, but I would be watchin' em the whole time, and lettin' em know when somethin that happens in the game isn't appropriate behavior in civilized society, like shooting a guy in the face because he looks like he might be trouble later, and he's just sittin' in the corner, readin' a book, not bothering anybody. It's a fairly simple concept to grasp, isn't it? Just watching your kids and making sure they don't do something like set the cat alight? Doesn't sound like too much work.

Current Location: Work. Yeah, yeah, call CNN...
Current Mood: zzzzzzzzzz...